Jump!★

Saturday, 5 December 2015

Lying in the middle of the 3 beds in the white and slightly dim room with my mother overlooking me, I could easily be a broken child inside a movie. Le broken child. Hahahaha. For about 30 minutes, I was able to reflect on myself.

I had 11 needles in me. 4 in my legs, 2 in my hands, 2 in my neck, one in my chest and 2 on my head. It was to let blood circulate better. Like she said, it wasn't painful. "If it's painful, means it's done wrongly!". "See, I tell you not pain, right!?" I cannot imagine my doctor saying anything without an exclamation mark at the end. She's feisty like that. She was very kind as to do it for me free of charge. *cries* Touched my heart.

I am convinced she is a witch (like the wizard witch) - she knew right away what was wrong. "See, I know you moody!" even though I portrayed no signs of being sad or whatsoever. "You cannot be sad OK!" "This kind of people get sad easily!"

 How did she know so much about me in just mere minutes... She ask me to be happy and to eat 'happy food' (like dark chocolate) when I feel sad. I told Mom if I have to eat it every time I feel sad, I would become fatter faster than better. Doctor said being sad will affect the illness, and also bad sleep, which I was having. "You cannot rely on these to help you, you have to help yourself! You should know!" Yes Doctor, I know. I know too well.

She said my body is very weak, especially the liver, again, because it is affected by my late sleepings. "Very weak, very weak." 

But she was a nice lady, despite being loud. She even discounted my meds a bit... and I couldn't be more grateful. I'm young, that's why the possibility of the illness coming back is more possible so I have to look out. Sucks though, I don't have a sad handicap. I have to be happy most of the time. Then I told her I am normally OK, it's just these few days I'm feeling down and I'm trying my best to feel better.

Oscar (the cat) came and walked by my legs which I think means he recognized me. In a way, I love being at the clinic because it feels like a home as it is run by a couple. And Oscar makes me happy. I weighed myself too and am glad that I am still 50kg, which is healthy.

When I was leaving, she lightly tapped my shoulder, "You can get better. Don't be scared."

While I was in the white room, I made a decision; if I want to save myself (literally), I have to let go. Like really let go. The emotional stabs in my gut do not feel nice and it comes without warning, but I have to learn to just be oblivious to it.


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Hello I am back for the second time for today. I've always thought that having a needle in my neck is the scariest thing that can happen (especially since the Doc wouldn't let me know what she was going to do).  So what's next after this boss battle?? COME AT ME.

p.s. I just did a last minute T-Shirt design for BarCamp which is an IT Club thing and Angeline said that if she sees me, she will pass to me a small gift for my effort! The thing is, I have never seen her in school before... hahaha. She is the nicest person I have ever worked with.

p.p.s. Giang is reading my blog every night for 3 days lol I feel so paiseh. Sorry ya. >.<