After more than 3 years of living outside independently, I am back to my family. It is a strange feeling being anywhere but Cyberjaya during the weekdays. I know I will miss being able to make my own choices and take care of myself. The degree of freedom and accessibility is unparalleled. To think that I was so different years ago, when I weren't even allowed to attend school camps. Times changed, Mom changed.
There have been significant changes since starting the new semester. One, as mentioned before, was saying goodbye to Cyberjaya as my home. What comes with living back at my real home is that I have to drive myself to school whenever I have classes, which is just 3 days a week. It isn't so bad. Each way takes about 30 minutes in our lovely old car, without traffic jams.
Two, most of my friends have graduated. I won't say it feels lonely, but it sure feels quiet. There's less people to say hi to in school. Even my sister has graduated, as she entered university a semester before I did. As much as I enjoy the quiet time by myself now, I can't help feeling a little bit empty. It feels like the lot of us have disappeared, like we were never here.
Three, I completed my internship 2 weeks ago and I had to say more goodbyes to the new friends I gained. Surprisingly, I loved my internship. It wasn't as boring as I imagined and if I can say so myself, I did pretty well in terms of working and socializing. I was basically put in a situation where I knew nobody (except 2 of my classmates who were in a different department) and that reminded me fondly of PLKN. I was determined to make friends again, and I did. My supervisor rated me pretty high on my interpersonal skill (I peeked). Being a generally awkward and socially anxious person, it is one of the greatest compliment anyone can give me. I felt like I could overcome anything.
As much as I sound like I miss living outside, I do look forward to many things that I will be able to do at home that I couldn't (or lacked the motivation to) when I lived outside. Now, I can cook more and even bake (although from a pre-mix LOL).
The cooking pan over here is the BOMB; it's non-stick and sooo easy to wash. I love it, and more so, I am loving the kitchen. Compared to my former unit, it feels so spacious, although it is in no means spacious per se. If you have to live with just half a counter of kitchen space for a whole year, everywhere is big for you.
Furthermore, I have much more freedom with my schedule now I can even visit this little monster :
I have some hopes and dreams for living back at home, some simple ones for daily life.
1. Better time management = Rest time
Here's to hoping that since I don't have to linger around Cyberjaya, I can come home and actually do my work without planning if I have to drive out to eat or cook or meet up with friends and all that jazz. I'll be able to partition my time more clearly, and with that hopefully comes some much needed rest time. I have a bad habit of not resting enough which makes me feel generally shitty and mentally-destructive which will result in me soaking up all the negative vibes created by myself for myself.
I'm easing myself in by reading everyday - I read during breakfast and before I sleep. I discovered it to be a good way to feel relaxed and doze off as I usually find myself losing concentration when reading at night. Reading also eases my anxiety and I hope it will eventually whisk away my dreams that come from obsessively thinking about my assignments (as I sometimes am doing assignments even in my dreams). My mind needs to detach itself from them.
The past few days, I haven't been reaching for my phone as soon as I wake up. I leave checking it for after breakfast. Another bad habit - being glued to a screen (or screens) most of my waking hour, save for eating and bathing. My eyes suffered because of it. I have headaches, my eyesight deteriorated, and it feeds on my anxiety. I feel more jittery. Does anybody else experience that?
Also, I need to sleep earlier, but sleep is the enemy of students. Sometimes you just want to de-stress by whatever means (gaming, surfing the net, art, etc) and that de-stressing can make you sleep late. It's so miserable. We can't have everything.
2. Being active
It certainly is a far stretch to be consistently physically-active, so what I'm aiming for is to lead a less sedentary lifestyle. First of all, I am not someone who is sedentary but oftentimes I feel restless, like I have excess energy I need to use. I'm starting off with doing virtual runs just because it's accessible and I get a medal mailed to me when I complete them. Cute medals. Ugh, I'm so materialistic. But if it saves me from inactivity, I'm all for it. I even got my family in on it, so that's a good start for all of us.
3. Self care
I need to start doing things that make me feel good, no doubt about that. Throw away all excuses that comes from being busy. OK, I know I'm still going to make the excuses but perhaps I can tone down on it. I like to take care of my physical appearance (look and feel good, right?), watch shows-movies-videos-anything, and hanging out with people while having meaningful conversation. For now, I am watching Produce 48 with Babe every week and it's so much fun to discuss it with people that watched it too. I get to feel alive, investing my time in watching other people's drama, getting excited over the performances.
It's 1PM now and I haven't start doing my FYP for today. Damn, it feels great. It pays to take some time off sometimes. It's the weekend too! I feel that I have been doing too much for the past 2 weeks anyway. Until next time, homies.
