Jump!★

About a month and a little further back, I would ask myself what would I do if it is the last day I'll live. I wrote down my responses in a written diary that I have started a few months back. Some days, I have a specific answer. Most days, my reply would be

"I just want to finish my assignments early and sleep."

Hahaha! It made me realize what I consider to be most important to me as of now, and that is undeniably true. It is Week 8 of our semester now and so far I have been sleeping earlier than I have throughout my Degree years. About 2 more months to go - keep it up! Instead of slaving away in front of my laptop (which I believe most, if not every, student does), I wake up earlier instead. I wake up before the sun is up and I get to see the sunrise from my window. =) Plus, I get an extra hour from my day.

This might not apply to everyone but I find myself being able to work on things two times faster in the morning because I have less distractions and I am generally a more morning person rather than a night person. I get tired fast too because of my condition but I fix that with a short nap most days, a little before dinner. This allows me to have enough focus for the rest of the night.

Nowadays, I start asking myself another question;

"What can I do to make today better?"

Fun enough, all these questions were not deliberately created by myself but rather they just pop up in my mind and I try to pay heed to it. Its interesting to answer them because I get to know what I really want.

Most of the time now, my "making things better" would be to turn a blind eye to people's mistakes and try to find a solution to solve it without much conflict. I'm trying everyday to let faults go even though I really would like to harp on them. When you get frustrated by their faults, they won't know anyway, so there's really no point in using your energy for something utterly useless. I try to think of it as less as possible and not let it affect me, and just hope for them to be more aware of their surroundings and their actions.

Today, my dear friends, is a rare day where I'm writing in the morning. It's 9AM now and I rarely blog in the morning, or at all nowadays. But I was feeling in the mood for it. We have no classes today, only a consultation and a radio recording for a group assignment, so I have plenty of time in the morning. I had a slow breakfast which is my favourite thing to do in a day. I love enjoying my breakfast and having some alone time.

On a completely unrelated note, it has been a year since stopping medication and I hope for this year to be forgiving to my health. I am making conscious efforts to get better everyday which includes sacrificing coffee (I drink it some days), sleeping earlier (which makes me feel guilty because everyone stays up later than I do but I remind myself we are all different) and generally trying not to react greatly or negatively to situations (because it would make my heart worst from all that speed and pressure). So far, I feel better than I was when I was on medication. I seldom have heart palpitations (don't jinx!) and I'm doing exercises to make my body physically stronger so I can counter muscle weakness.

Muscle weakness is a very real and scary thing and I don't want to experience that ever again.

Sometimes I feel myself deteriorating but this time, unlike a few years ago, I have my mind to help me. I no longer think so negatively or am such a scaredy cat and I have to believe I can save myself. You are your most important person and decision. Besides, I don't feel happy when I'm on meds and was constantly in a state of worry. Now I'm just letting everything run its course and do my best.

Good morning everyone! And have a productive day ahead so you can feel happy going to bed at night!