Jump!★

Friday, 11 December 2015

Spent the whole day being out today, so tired now. It has been a while since we spent some time with Evelyn and Elena so I was happy! Sis, the 2 of them and I went off to shop by ourselves while the rest of the family did their own shopping and as they know, shopping with us is just playing, basically. I paid for the moving rides with music and asked them to put the coins in by themselves. It made them happy because usually they don't have this chance (to play the rides). Later they also acted as my fashion assistant and kept taking clothes and bags coordination for me hahaha. So cute.

They said it was fun but later the sales assistance was looking at us so I said we should stop. When we reached the kids section, they wanted to try on the dresses because those were the princess-y and expensive types so we took some that they love and went into the changing room.

Took pictures inside hahaha. It's a rare chance though.

While we were waiting for the family to shop, the 4 of us sat down in front of the changing room. There was some music playing and Elena got high and started moving around on the floor. I asked her not to move around because she's like mopping the floor but she started to do more weird moves on the floor to show my point.

OTZ

"We don't know you omg."

I asked her to go into the changing room to do that thing and not in public and she actually did that wtf. She came out and also couldn't stop doing it because the music was kinda funky. I thought it was funny actually - it was almost closing time and not a lot of people was around - so we both went into the changing room and crazy danced. It was funny hahahaha. I think she will remember it. :)

OK finish.

Yesterday, Shanny, sis and I did our assignments in the library. It got too cold for me so I went out to sit on the bench outside the library. Jabbal walked by and then we chatted. It ended up with me disappearing for close to 2 hours lol. OTZ We shifted place 2 times until we ended up in front of MPH.

It was a great relief, being able to talk to someone. I laughed a lot. He told me his experiences in his heartbreaks and we shared our views on it. We started laughing if we think of the same thing hahahaha. Damn, it was heartbreaking.

I talked about my feelings a bit too so that was probably why I felt looser. He gave me an unexpected head pat which I needed a lot. At the end of the convo, I was already feeling really tired. That was probably the first time I talked so much in some time. I am grateful he happened to walk by at that time; I don't know why, just when I needed to talk to someone.

He helped me shaped my thoughts better because he wasn't giving advice emotionally, completely. He was quite logical and I spoke as logically as I could. Now I know I'm not crazy for feeling this way. Mostly, I was glad he was willing to talk to me for such an amount of time. Thinking about it, he might have been the first friend I showed my true emotions to, unshielded. I just kept talking and couldn't stop myself. He also kept talking so it was a good distraction and I was able to focus on his stories and really be happy or sad or angry according to the stories' situations.

We must have looked weird sitting at some random place and chatting while looking like 2 person that don't look like they belong in each other's friend circle. I still remembered what he told me during when we were an OC, "It means I accepted you into my circle now." and he isn't one to just confide in people. That time, I was also wondering why he was willing to trust me, a new kid that he didn't even know. But I guess I did make an effort to talk to him about his emotions during the OC times when he was going through some stuff.

Well, sometimes friends are unexpected. The ones you think are closest to you will end up doing none or little things, but the friends that are somewhat close only will be the one that reaches out to you. That is the sad truth I had realized and that is also one of the thing that is primarily hurting me.

I just never thought you changed. I thought you are stronger and better than this. I thought that's why I trusted you all these time. But you just disappointed me. And I also disappointed myself. I said no emotional dependency, but it happened. But don't you worry now, the dependency has been revoked. :)

p.s. As I'd gradually realized, I don't give a damn about the situation already since I have been trying to accept it from day one. I realized I am angry and sad at the encouragement, motivation and decision that brought about this situation when you already know this will happen.

Why does Jabbal have to come find me chat now, I just finished writing this post and now I want to add. T^T I have been waiting for this moment, but instead someone unexpected did it. Waiting for the wrong person to help you is just torturous and through this, I learnt not to hope so much.

This was what I was waiting for. But it didn't happen with the person I wanted. You know what? It doesn't matter anymore.