Wednesday, 4 February 2015
Today...
I don't know where to begin, hmm.
It's near 3.30am now but I don't care.
Once upon a time, there was a friendship.
Nobody expected her to do it.
Now we are awkward but still friends.
...
They picked up Aarun at Cyberia at 7pm with us in tow in the car. She explained the business concept to Aarun while Hadi drove. The car was fast, I felt a little scared but didn't say anything. It is very rare for me to be in a speedy car and I feel like we could crash anytime. Paranoia. We reached our destination in Puchong Kinrara and waited for the 'leaders' to come and unlock the centre's gate. "Sifu," they called him respectively and I turned to see an elderly man making his way from his car.
No wonder it doesn't take much for people to buy this business - the Sifu is enough. He looked so kind and vulnerable that you could not help but want to believe and trust him. "Will it only be just us?" I asked. "There will be a lot of other people," they said and into the centre we went. The walls up the stairs are just painted with white; the white splashes concealed half of the steps. (There wasn't actually a lot of other people and there was a woman who kept confidently saying "yes" to some of the things the man was saying on stage).
While waiting for my turn to the toilet, I noticed a framed work showing the compilation of all the ranks. Eli started to explain it to me, but I know, it is the stone series of the ranks. Ruby, Emerald, Diamonds... all but titles. When we finally was seated at where the talk was going to take place, we were ushered to the most front seat by them. "Can't I seat behind?" sis asked, but they shook their heads and enthusiastically offered us the front seats. Well, except, it was too front I suffered from backache and a stiff neck later on. The purple podium was just a leg's length away from our seat. =.= Somebody has got to revise the seating plan - or was it all a strategy?
Speeches. Hmm, maybe this is why people is convinced. The thing is there is potential; it is just up to an individual whether they want to accept this lifestyle. For me, I don't, and neither do sis and Aarun. Every time they clapped, I managed a weak clap, or no claps at all. When the Datuk went down from the stage, they stood up happily (too happily) and aimed to shake his hands fondly. Why, Ryan; even you?
I don't like how they are too respectful to their so-called 'leaders' and is almost like they are lapping at their feets like excited dogs. The sparkle; it's in their eyes. The smiles, so bright. They are so motivated that I could feel a barrier replicating itself between us. I could still see you but whatever you are saying droned on. I could see your excited face amidst my thinking, or what I am imagining you're thinking. You look so happy going on and on. You looked so relieved, so confident, so sparkly. For a moment, I feel like I could believe you because of the curves from your happy eyes. I wish I could believe you. It could have been so perfect.
But I couldn't, and I didn't. It is just not for me. I could only appreciate and respect your choice but other than that, please don't involve me. I am not interested in this way of life. Where is the excitement from seeing the fruits of your labor? Where are the sweat and tears from your hard work? Where are the friends you gained from doing your job? Where are the experiences you could have had? Where is the feeling of accomplishment; the feeling of wholeness?
That woman, she made me feel bad for her, making herself sound uneducated and lazy. Unappreciative of life, of who you were before, of what your life was about. Just a housewife and now making loads. I don't care. You are contented, that's it. It's alright really, you don't have to tell everyone you have never worked (and never had to) but have tons of money to spend now plus free vacations. It's OK if you want me to think that you are incapable of a harder life, or working hard for what you want, or being contented without loads of money. You want us to think you have it all, the glamorous life, the exciting life. (Less work, more money? No problem! Come join us.) Basically, she just ruined the supposed excitement/motivation/inspiration of what the others have built up so far. Thank you.
If we are the three little pigs, we would all be the last pig with the strong house (can't remember what it was made of). It's all psychology what you are trying to do to us. We ain't the naive and clueless uni students you think we are - we just didn't want to tell you lest we waste our saliva or extend your talking time. Eye contact, very important. I can see you are trying to hold that, and I am not letting go. I don't want to be weak like usual, I must stand for myself, for us. I knew something was up when you shook my hand firmly (but a bit too staged-ly) and wouldn't let go until I tell you my name. A bad start. I appreciate your effort and am also awed by the fact that you manage to keep being motivated speaking to three bitch resting faces. I am utmost glad that I managed to put a piece of my mind inside to see what that guy would answer. Said we should be open-hearted and mind; I think you should consider that for yourself. We are not stupid alright. Not especially with the anount of information on the internet and the experiences older people tells you. When it seems like he can no longer persuade us, I keep looking at him in the eye and he was lost, but tried to smile. I gave him a smile, literally, by just curving my mouth. I'm not even trying to be nice, sorry to say.
They keep urging us to come next Tuesday, "the Mandarin session", and hell no. I won't even understand anything... But like I would tell them. "Eli, remember to bring them on the Tuesday session ya?" Dude, you can't force us OK? =.= You're like pressuring her to make us come and she doesn't even understand Mandarin so what's the point of her coming. I made up my mind that I am not going to come back here again and that's it. Then Alynn also keep asking us to "Come next Tuesday too ya? Come again la." Like, hello, I don't know you guys anymore? You are still my friends, I still treasure you guys, but somehow, things feel a little different now.
...
We typed words in our phones, the three of us, but I think Hadi saw us in the mirror. Hastily, we stopped. We joked about eating at Aarun's house which actually happened later on because we wanted to talk. "Are you still going to Aarun's house or...?" Eli asked. "They are," Aarun replied affirmatively. Wow, so cool. *.* It almost sounds like we are on a secret mission lol. We three were dropped off at Cyberia ("Tell me what happened afterwards," Eli said as her departing words in which we all agreed was scary), we bought waffles (Aarun's treat!) and went to his house.
He laid out the fur rug and we sat on it and discussed for two solid hours. Or more. I can't believe time can past this fast. It's my first time being in this kind of situation; it feels nice because you are working this out together. We got to know each other better and also our opinions on other friends and it's not negative at all. Aarun is a good friend; he reminds me a little of Giang, but a bitchier and girlier version. XD But he is good; never knew he was this good so I was surprised. He said he was proud that we spoke up.
I enjoyed our chatter, all the things we shared. We understood each other a bit more. Later on, Convic and some of his housemates joined in the conversation and added their opinions and experiences on it. Edmund knew I was out and volunteered to fetch us if we have no transport, but I said it's OK. Aarun drove us back later. Oh yeah, on the way back to the centre, Hadi was driving so fast again and I was in the middle back seat. I was so afraid. I voiced it out to them and they also felt the same. "I was afraid, but I just didn't say it out," Aarun revealed. I thought I was the only one lol, but it turns out we three felt the same. I was afraid I might fly off the car, if it is even possible. Aarun congratulated me for being in the middle. -.-
We shall see how things go. I don't want to judge; I'll just firmly stand my ground.
Had Creative English and Creative Studies (thus, today I am a Creative Student!) exam. English was a bit hard especially the last part. For the life of me, I couldn't find the last two subject-verb agreement!! I liked CS a lot and for the first few times in my life I felt knowledgeable. I know what I am doing (well, mostly) and I felt somewhat high while doing it. Aarun is just a row in front of me, but a few columns away. Ken was two seats in front of Aarun (I think) but I didn't notice him until sis told me after the exam. I was scanning all over for him; the guy beside me must think that I am scouting boys hahahaha.
OK, that's all for now, I am tired and shall rest. Goodnight. ^.^
p.s. Even though the experience was not good, but it definitely allowed me a new and special experience so that I might add it to my list of life experiences.
