-initially typed on 2nd June-
Went to watched Maleficent yesterday evening with mom and sis and I have to say that I'm kinda disappointed by the film. :/ The casts and visual effect were awesome but I felt that the plot was too hurried and predictable. The movie was short too. And as I've read in FB before I watch the movie, it has a Frozen kinda ending to it. I admit I watch it because of Elle. LOL I love seeing the Fanning sisters!
Bought a book - To All the Boys I've Loved Before - cuz I'm so bored in camp. ;_; Hope its a nice read. Also purchased a watch with alarm because a lot of people went back (and I assume the holy alarm too) cuz I'm afraid that I'll oversleep (and also I'm an AJK Dobi now so I want to wear a watch to look like I have authority, LOL!!).
Ohh!! And I think I can finally take off my braces in 2 months' time! This month was supposed to be the final month but I told my dentist that the last rubber placement is making it hard for me to eat so she changed the rubber's function and delayed a month. I'm gonna miss my dentist sooo much when this ends. ;_;
19.05, Mon (Day 45)
Yesterday, we had TTS practice in the morning - even though its a Sunday. I came down late (OK, I wasn't actually late; they baris-ed early) and hurriedly rushed to the toilet first.
In the midst of panic, I pulled open the door and the latch was snatched out together with pieces of the door. Shit.
I only told my sister.
>.<
[TTS (tempur tanpa senjata) - unarmed combat]
20.05, Tues (Day 46)
Gathered downstairs by 5am and went to Desa for swimming today. Luckily my period hasn't come yet, as today is exactly the time period for it to arrive. Thank you... >.<
The big pool was 1.1m at the shallowest, and 1.6m at the deepest - I had never in my life dunk into a swimming pool that I couldn't touch the base with my feet! It was an interesting discovery. I kind of like it, even though its a bit freaky.
We started rounding the sides of the pool & then the JLs taught us basic rescue operations, in which we have to demonstrate in a group of 9 people later on (which I admit is kinda fun, again because my feet can't touch the bottom). It was freaking exciting to be floating about with a life jacket.
When we were about to finish, the JLs let us swim row by row to one side of the pool to another (the shorter side). We can use any style we like & seeing that I'm not a swimming person, I started off with a glide (like the JLs taught us) and the swim randomly (of course with advancement LOL). Halfway kicking my legs about in the water, my left calf cramped & I couldn't help laughing. Thinking about it, its still kinda funny.
Using only the right side of my body to maneuver, I hopped to the side of the pool & lifted myself up before limping & sitting down. Luckily the cramp subsided quickly. OTZ As we have to swim back once more.
Later, we didn't get to shower, so we just changed. Shared a room with Voon & we promised to just mind ourselves. This reminded me of the time she got stuck in the baju kurung & I went into the shower to help her out. She had to take off everything on top & I told her to not simply turn. >.<
21.05, Wed (Day 47)
Trivia: 3 of us in Alpha has a same bra.
And we coincidentally wore it today.
Yup.
22.05, Thurs (Day 48)
Yesterday night, we had Christian class and played a game called 'Squirrel and Fire', quite similar to tag, except without a bunch of people running around. Most of us got a little bit too overexcited by the hyperactivity of the class. Joshua did tell us to be careful when playing the game.
Nevertheless, halfway throughout the game, a guy knocked down a window pane & hurt his thumb. There were glass pieces and blood on the floor... (Luckily he doesn't need any stitches.)
Today was the last Christian class for people who will be going for Pelepasan Awal; it was an emotional class. I tried not to cry - a lot of us were already teary. It was a fun class too, because for once, I actually am in the game that we played.
After class, I read Voon's message to me (I asked close friends to each write a short message for me) and went to the toilet quickly right after because I can feel my eyes starting to tear a little. I remembered her saying that there's too little space to write (I partitioned a page into 4 parts for 4 people to write) and I told her that she can write more if she wanted to.
The Sarawakians for early release are going back next Tuesday and I guess I'm kinda sad... Because Voon and Andrew will be going. And the majority of Christian class.
Voon asked me to promise her not to cry when she leaves.
[Pelepasan Awal - early release]
Random; there's this cat that always comes to our dorm. And it kinda likes Dorm 1's garbage bin.
24.05, Sat (Day 50)
Yesterday night, we Alpha had a barbecue party to send off our friends who will be going for Pelepasan Awal. It was an emotional night and most of us teared. OK, I wasn't tearing at first; I'll talk about it later.
For this entry, I want to appreciate and give thanks to a certain person - BL101, Irfan. We started off being friends during MPK class, we were in the same group and he started talking to me. We were talking about flying fox and stuff and he was fun to talk to. In each class, he would then talk to me (along with Mr. Arrogant) and they would say unrelated stuff like "I love you" (LOL). In class, my time were lively because of them and also Panjang (who always told me I'm beautiful, in Mandarin; I take it jokingly).
In a skit that we did, I was chosen (OK, kinda forced) to be the 'Mom', in which I rejected (because I always want to play small roles), but Irfan said "If you be the Mom, I'll be the husband.". He suddenly called me 'sayang' while we were adlibbing (I was shocked) and then he jokingly called me that again in tomorrow's class. Our friendship grew stronger in class, but later our KN modules started and our classes were separated.
We didn't talk so much later on (because we couldn't meet) but we would smile to each other and once, he called out to me when he saw me sitting at the Alpha wati table. I was actually a little happy cuz I thought he would have forgotten about me.
Yesterday we went to Putrajaya for Hari Belia's practice and he called out to me and scrunched up his face at me. He made me laugh (XD). That night, during the party, some of us were transferring our chairs. I was behind the girls (the last) and then I got cut off by a line of guys, so I'm the only one left standing.
The front guys kept walking (so I couldn't cross) and suddenly a guy stopped. "Fion, jalan," I heard someone say softly and looked up to see Irfan. Honestly, I was grateful and kinda surprised cuz I thought no one's gonna let me pass and I'm gonna stand there like an idiot until the line of guys finish. ;_;
Later on, some of us gave speeches and I was sitting with Voon on our chairs, just right next to the wiras. I looked to see who was standing beside me; it was him. Somehow or rather, speeches do get emotional and I saw him silently wiping away his tears. OK, I was still not crying then, even though I noticed a lot of people with watery eyes.
I called out to him and asked if he is going for Pelepasan Awal; he said yes and asked about me. When I gave him my answer, we kinda just gave each other a smile; its kinda sad. I decided there and then that I will get his contacts no matter what; because I don't wanna repeat what I regret, that is not being able to have the guts to befriend Andrew. (Here's kinda where I started tearing.)
So later after I finished eating, I grabbed my book and waited for him. I went over to him and gave him my book and asked him to write. "Ala, laparlah..." he said, but I just stared at him, so he gave his friend his cup and took my book. Good... Haha.
It was then that I realized; Why the hell am I waiting and chasing a guy that I don't even know and probably wouldn't when I have friends here that I should be grateful for? Friends that can make me cry of happiness. But then again, nowadays I hasn't been looking at Andrew as much because why force something? I'm making myself miserable thinking of him. Its never good to notice a boy because when you want to talk to him, its freaking hard because you're so self-conscious. I've learnt my lesson.
Thank you, my friends that treasures me (and me them). I really, really am so grateful and lucky I can't even believe it.
And finally, terima kasih Irfan.
[MPK (modul pembinaan karakter) - character building class]
['sayang' - equivalent to 'darling']
[KN (I forgot what it stands for LOL) - its kinda like a module where you learn more about your own country and do community service]
[lapar - hungry]
25.05, Sun (Day 51)
For Hari Belia (today), we performed TTS and a war dance. It was freaking hot. OTZ Somehow we lacked the enthusiasm we usually has; perhaps it was because we didn't have practice yesterday. But all is well. We combined with camps Millennium and Pelangi Hill.
Before our performance, we had a little time to walk around and I went with Voon. Together the two of us roomed the unfamiliar city, two sakais, taking pictures and holding hands. The stalls were not open yet, but we took note of where to visit later.
After our performance, we thought we can stay 'till 4 (like we were informed), but the new plan was to gather by 1:45. OAO
There was BIG BAD WOLF! The 2 of us were ballistic.
So right after we were off-leash, we rushed off like mad to the faraway book sale. We then only have about 15 mins to look around. OTZ I scanned for non-fiction, but there wasn't any so I went to the novels section and browse quickly.
Saw this book, Fearless, flipped through the pages and thought its not bad so i bought it (found out it was actually the 2nd book of a series. First was reckless). But nevermind. It was only RM8 for 400++ pages, so its VERY worth it. Wanted to buy more but I was short on time and money.
Felt like going to next year's Hari Belia; Malaysian events are not boring after all.
Oh! There was a canine show! Police dogs did cool tricks; ahh too cute!! ..< Then they demonstrated how they detect drugs, catch thieves, etc. Shit, they are so freaking obedient.
Overall, today was an OK day. LOL, some boys from other camps greeted me when I came out of the toilet. ._. OK. I smile back.
***
Why... Why does everytime I stop thinking and noticing him that I catch him looking (and each time he's staring more obviously!)? This is confusing; I don't know what to do anymore.
***
Rollcall result: Elected to be Ajk Dobi and AJK Kebun after May. The people left behind initially shouted Ah Hui's name when we are choosing a new AJK Dobi, but then Voon told Shikin that I'm still staying and she chose me.
Pangkat, pangkat, pangkat...!
After that, I personally went over to Shikin to confirm my post and she told me that she wants be to be TOC. I'm like O.O, what. I never thought that she thought so highly of me. "Saya sebenarnya nak kamu jadi TOC. Saya rasa kamu boleh."
"Kamu rasa saya tegas ke?" and she nodded affirmatively. She also said it was because I wake up early and do things quick.
Well, I mean, being a TOC and having that pangkat cert is honorable, and I will definitely be able to talk publicly, but I'm kinda nervous; I will try! >.<
[Hari Belia - Youth Day]
[sakai - can be meant as a person who lives in the jungle, derived of civilization]
[AJK Dobi - lit. Laundry Committee]
[AJK Kebun - lit. Orchard/Gardening Committee]
[pangkat - position/status/post]
["Saya sebenarnya nak kamu jadi TOC. Saya rasa kamu boleh." - "I actually wanted you to be TOC. I feel you can."]
["Kamu rasa saya tegas ke?" - "Do you think I'm firm/strict?"]
Cindy and Mushroom put on my pangkat for me - we did a simulation of when the komandan and co put on pangkat for whoever's getting pangkat. LOL They asked me irrelevant questions and I have to answer with a "Tuan!" behind.
27.05, Tues (Day 53)
The 4 of us (Cindy, Mushroom, Voon & I) had a mini party last midnight to send Voon off. It was raining heavily, so we reached our dorm by 11++. We had cup mees, oranges, chips & cheese and chocolates. It was Voon and my 1st ever midnight party; I slept at 1am++. Combining 2 mattresses, Voon and I slept together.
Today, the Sarawakians are leaving - their bus just left, leaving a bunch of teary-eyed people... including me. Talked to several guys from Christian class that were leaving, for the first time. Accomplishment. Was kinda looking for Andrew but he was nowhere to be seen.
Later when a bunch of us were chatting, some more people joined us. Andrew was there, but I wanted to wait till we have to baris before going over to say bye. I heard someone calling out "Baris!" and I walked over to him.
He saw me and grinned; I was so happy because it was my favourite smile of his. He was still grinning when I stand in front of him (finally) and I stuck out my hand for a shake. And at last, I managed to grin in front of him. "Goodbye, Andrew." "Bye." I had also fulfilled my wishful hope to see his grin up close and for me. Now its a reality; its a bittersweet feeling. I want to smile, but at the same time, I want to cry.
But I never, never cry in front of people... alone.
We are now practicing for some literature and culture competition and the 3 of us went out of class because we have nothing to do. Outside the class, we noticed a bus and rushed over (Mushroom went to the toilet, so its just Cindy and me). Cindy said she's about to cry again (because Patrick is going and she's close to Patrick). I told her not to open her pipe because he wouldn't want to see her crying (I chatted with Patrick just now and he said he felt bad).
Then, the Sarawakians came out and more people ran over. Hugged Voon for the last time. Saw Andrew. When he was going to the bus, I looked at him and him at me, so as a final act of courage, I waved at him. He waved back, smiling, and I was so grateful, so very grateful.
When they were all in the bus, we waved and Cindy's pipe was bursting while I held on to her, Waved to Voon and then after a while, she suddenly burst into tears. She looked so freaking sad omg. OTZ
Voon!! You made me cry!!
And I started tearing just then. So much for not letting anyone see me cry; I was supposed to reserve my tears for the toilet and my last day!! She told me not to cry and she cried herself... Whenever I see her cry, I will want to cry.
Makes me want to move to Sarawak once and for all. Cindy said it too. *sigh*
But, I just wanted to thank everyone, especially Voon and Andrew, for keeping me entertained and alive. I just feel so, so grateful for meeting the both of you; I just... ugh. T.T
29.05, Thurs (Day 55)
Ah, the first day was hard; I'd think of Voon whenever I do something. When I have supper, I'd think of when we used to share the biscuits, but now I'm just dunking biscuits with tea alone. When I go for a shower, I paused for a while because it felt like something was lacking; there's no one going to the toilet with me now. When we baris, I can no longer see her on my right, a few people down.
And it also felt so freaking lonely
- and the entry was cut off abruptly. :P But yeah, the first few days were hard. :/ It was like I lost a part of me and its so silent now. Luckily I made some new friends and activities still went on, so it kinda took my mind off the lonely feeling. We still text every weekend though! :)
