Jump!★

Went to the nursery to collect our cheques about last week (??) and then we went back on Wednesday to get sis's cheque replaced. We timed to be there at about when every kid is downstairs. :D Cuz I miss them so so much! Now I know how hard it is to let go of something/someone you loved so much.

Surprisingly, some kids from my 2y.o. class actually remember me - the unexpected ones more so. There was a really small girl, probably one of the youngest in class, and her eyes widened and she stared at us for so long as if she recognised us. Then there was another girl too - I don't exactly know her that well, only seen her a few times, but she remembered me which was very surprising. Another one of the younger kids (Hazel) I think remembered me too cuz she kept turning and looking. I used to play with her cuz she always had a sour face and then she eventually warmed up to me.

But the sad thing is; Ethan doesn't remember me. I don't blame him though, cuz he's still a toddler. We used to be so close, he would literally follow me everywhere and once I nearly knocked him in his face with my elbow cuz he was standing behind me when he should be in his seat. He was a new kid when I was a new teacher, so we were kinda in the same boat. I tried so hard to communicate with him and make him get used to being there cuz he was always crying and asking for his Daddy. He would cry and ask me to sit beside him when he sleep and I would pat him to sleep. I even managed to make him listen to me a little.

So it was kinda bitter seeing him look up and not be able to recognise me. He was a little changed, which is good in a way cuz he at least learnt to be more independent but it sad for me to see mainly cuz he isn't like the happy Ethan I used to know. But oh well... I just looked at him for a long time. Its OK.

Darrius from my sis's 3y.o. class remembers us too and I guess more of her students too cuz they're older. Darrius was staring with his mouth agape when I looked at him and I gave him a smile. I'm glad he still remembers me even though I've talked to him once only.

We're twins after all so I guess it only made sense for him to remember me. LOL

When we were finished and was about to go back, I waved to Darrius and he just stared, unable to do anything. I waved again and made sure to smile. But he still stared. He must be feeling really lost. I would have too. Its as if the teachers he used to know suddenly disappeared.

Then I also went to Hazel and contemplated whether I should pat her. I went anyway. I laid my hand under her chin and gave her 2 pats like how we always used to play. She would put her chin on my upturned hand and then I would pat and her mouth would open and close, open and close, and then she would laugh. I miss these moments. How I used to read to Ryan, sing to Xuan & Ethan, let Jarrell build up structures (even though the kids are only allowed a few toys but I gave them a lot anyway), wipe people's snot, console Thong Xin when she sobbed during potty time, moved to the music so the kids can copy me (and getting really awkward and lost when an unrecognisable music comes on), patting kids to sleep, bringing them up and down the stairs (some of them would reach out and want to hold my hand), dressing them after their bath, feeding them, they would laugh when they see me laugh and a lot more... I miss it SO much. Even changing pampers and wiping butts.

I still feel sad that I probably won't be able to see them again, but I don't wanna go back either. Sometimes things get hard. I used to have dreams about them for weeks after I quit because I missed them too damn much. Sis and me would talk about them some days and just relive the memories we had there even if it was just a few days. But it felt like a lifetime. Sometimes I cannot believe its just 4 and a half days because I feel like I've done and learnt a lot. I'd even started to communicate with them, know what language they speak, their personalities, what they like, etc. I made the effort and I guess I don't regret it. :)

Its a bittersweet memory.