How should I start.... Alright. At first it was OK, well, it was a lil tough but I told myself that I'll be fine. Maybe 3 months wouldn't be so bad, but no way am I going to want to extend it to one year. So I left it at just that.
Until the day I thought to myself, "I'm not going to be able to go through one day without me hating this."
And yesterday, I promised myself, "I'm not coming back tomorrow. Really."
The moment you should quite your job is when you started thinking of quitting it - or so I've read from my FB. But obviously that wasn't why I quit - that was just a quote I remembered reading.
There were various reason why I wanted to stop:
1) I had to work on alternate Saturdays when I stated in my employment form that I am only available on weekdays. The alternate Saturdays shift is a new routine and EVERY teacher has to do it. A teacher - the only Indian teacher - told us that she has to actually work EVERY Saturday which is very very unfair.
2) I had no break time. Even though they told us that we have an hour of break time everyday, but apparently that was not the case. Since I am a fast eater and no matter how slowly I eat, I'll still be fast, I ended up only having 15 mins where I rushed down to eat and then go back upstairs to continue my work. Which to me equals to no break time.
3) There was no balance in the workplace - I had to do a lot while they were just hanging around or doing little stuffs. Its like they see me as an opportunity to relax and be like "Hey, new person! Let's throw everything to her and go off!" I get reprimanded everytime I got the kids a little excited - its like they hate the sounds of people being happy. I'm sure their hearts are so sorrowful that they absolutely hate seeing people have lights in their lives.
4) It is SO UNFAIR. The working hours are long - 11 hours - and I have to wait until at least most kids went home before I can leave. I feel so damn exhausted by the end of the day and by the time I reached home, I have little to no time to do what I want. And plus, they have no wifi - not that I'm gonna surf the net while working or what, but it will definitely lift my mood to at least see a connection. I had to work so much that its child labour!! I'm not even officially 18 yet.
I am so glad I stopped. I told myself that I don't want to do something that I hate - I don't have to. And for once I did something for myself by handing them back my apron and telling them I can't keep on working. Here's why:
If you don't like long posts, I suggest you leave now. Or else read on. :)
So, I worked for 4 and a half days. For the first 2 days, it was alright, just a little hectic, but I didn't mind that much. And also, Mickey (my colleague) was there to do some stuff with me. My first impression of my other colleague, Irene, was far worst. When I first entered the place, someone asked me to wash someone's milk bottle and I did. Then I asked where I should put the bottle and they were like *rolls eyes*.
"I tell you, so few people have to handle so many kids. You see, the new teacher doesn't even know where to put the bottle!" Irene complained to nobody in particular. I was so freaking shocked by her exclamation and was slightly offended, but I composed myself and let it be, telling myself that when you're working, these things tend to happen. Then I forgave her.
The rest of the day went pretty normal, but even on the first day, I have to do a lot of stuff. But I kept going on, thinking that they really need some help. During the kids' naptime, me and Mickey chatted a little, but I disliked how there were a little language barrier and how her voice is like so damn quiet and she's so annoyed when I couldn't hear properly. Hey your fault OK! At least speak at a moderate level where you don't wake the kids and at least I can hear you instead of me standing up to go to you everytime I couldn't hear shit.
Then the 2nd day came and it was still the same, except this time I had to do even more. But I sustained and did everything. I had to remember their routines, where they put the things, keep my eyes on the kids in case things happen, etc. They were always telling me which kids got off the chairs, what I did wrong, what I'm supposed to do - my head was just filled with commands and soon I'm on autopilot, doing stuff as fast and efficiently as I could. I could keep up since my stamina allows me and they rapidly piled more and more for me to do.
Like when during the kids' naptime, Mickey asked if I had emptied the diaper trash and I was like "No...?" I mean, nobody told me to, and I doubt that its already full, but she acted like I'm stupid, like I had known it all along but I didn't do it. *major roll eyes* HELLO. How was I supposed to know. They had this attitude where they don't tell you stuff and expect that you know everything. They'd better be grateful that I caught up fast and am not complaining.
Don't know how to appreciate. Some people.
So on last Saturday, we went to work. Oh btw, 'we' meant sis and I. Saturday is cleaning day so I started right off when I reached there. I had to wipe the cupboards and storage boxes and stereo - while they sat around, drank coffee and chatted like nobody's business. Especially Irene. Irene is those typical elder lady while Mickey is just 20 years old, so technically in the whole work place, I am the youngest.
After I finished, I hung around a bit cuz nobody was asking me to do anything and then I read my book a bit. Then I asked Irene if there was anything else I could help with and she let me sort out, staple and tape the kids' art books. I finished it diligently and when I told her I'm finished and if there was anything else I could do, she told me "Wow... You do stuff really fast, don't you?"
Now you know.
Its cuz you're always chatting that's why things got done slow.
But I admit I do things fast. LOL Even back in school. That's why teachers like me~ *beams*
Anyway, back to the story. I did some other stuff and finished everything that I was supposed to do too early and finally I went back.
Monday came and then I began to feel slightly stressed out. Because on Monday, I was told that most of the time, the kids will be entrusted to me solely. Which equals to taking care of everything except during classes where Irene will be helping me. Oh I forgot to mention, there were 15 kids in my grade altogether, ranging from about 14 months to 2 years. And they understand NOTHING of what you're saying, except for Ethan and Ryan (whom I found out could actually identify stuff).
At first they instructed me to just give the books to the kids and DON'T read to them cuz the books are solely for playing purposes (you could see torn or ripped out books). But while looking after them, I decided to secretly read to a kid - which happened to be Ryan - and realized that he knew what the illustrations in the pictures were. I was surprised and then decided to secretly do stuff with some kids to find out what they were capable of.
Also, there was once a kid who refused to sit down, so I firmly told him "Jarrell, go take a book and then you have to sit down, OK?" and he became so happy and went to take a book. But when he was about to sit down, Irene saw him and shouted "What are you doing there Jarrell?!!" *major roll eyes again*
Hello. The reason they don't listen to you is because you always shout and don't make an effort to understand them. You have to be patient with kids (OK, not all kids) so they know what they should do and what they shouldn't. But then again, they are so Chinese (and did I mention racist?) that this is their style.
And that's how I figured that the adults don't actually understand the kids and were just taking care of them military style. They reminded me of the kids in China.
And the kids in the child broiler in Mawaru Penguindrum. The child broiler kills children - except I don't mean that's what they do. The kids' situation and expression reminded me of the kids waiting solemnly to be killed in MP.
20-09-59%5D.JPG)
From here I learnt that kids are wiser than you think - though for a few percentage of kids, I couldn't say the same.
Even grandma looked down upon their way of disciplining the kids (she has 11 grandkids that she cared for solely since birth) and said that they are traumatizing the kids and its gonna leave a mark psychologically.
And on Monday, it was HELL. Mickey hurried off to prepare the milk when I thought that I'm the one who should since Irene taught me how to prepare the milk on Friday. I assumed that she saw the milk as an opportunity to escape. Before the kids are supposed to nap, I had to asked them to obediently sit by the foot of their bed.
This is what their napping beds look like
Do you seriously think that ALL kids will understand that that's what they should do?
I had such a hard time ordering people to sit down - its like you can't possibly look at all the kids, not unless the back of my head is also a face. Then I can scream twice as much. The moment I sort out the kids here, the kids there go awry and vice versa and repeat. And repeat.
Then when they finally had their milk and go to sleep, some kids DO NOT WANT TO SLEEP. They played with each other and whatever things they could find, like the switch. Now, I hate screaming at people or beating, but I did some in this job because no one listens to me and that's what Irene and Mickey did. Internally, I was having a battle - I love kids, and it pains me to hurt them, but at the same time, you can't treat them that nicely either. So I was really conflicted.
And I have to change 2 kids' diapers every hour cuz they are the youngest ones and by Monday, Mickey went to look after the babies in the babies department and when she did see me, she'll be like "Remember to change their diapers at 1:30." and etc. I would then do an internal eye roll and long sigh cuz obviously I can see the clock. She would also look at the clock and see it is 10 mins to 2:30 and told me again and I would nod, take their diapers and lay it out in front of their beds. Then I would purposefully sit beside the beds and look at the clock to wait for it to be precisely 2:30 before getting up to change their diapers just to annoy her.
I guess they're really bitter cuz some kids got attached to me and when I changed the diaper for one of the babies (Yumi), she didn't cry when she wakes up. And then Ethan only listens to me (unless they scream and threatened him with the ruler or a palm) cuz I understand what he's saying while the others just shut him up everytime he tried to ask about his Papa. <.< These situations and how they handle stuff made me lose my respect for them.
But I do awe at their ability to shut kids up cuz they are gifted to be aggressive and have a loud voice.
The moment I really see no light is when the kids have to do activities to improve their fine motor skills and I kept doing it wrong cuz I don't know how to handle 6 kids on my own. Mickey told me matter-of-factly that "They will be having an exam." and I just gave up. These kids will learn no shit from me if I'm the one teaching. I only specialize in understanding and playing.
And before I forgot to mention, Mickey have this seriously annoying habit to "Pffft" really loudly when I mess up. Like when she's shooting instructions and I tried to follow and if I just mess up a bit she "Pffft" really loud. By that time, I have no care for her already and if she thought that by doing that, she can deteriorate my spirits, then she can f off.
But I caught her off guard. She ALWAYS assumes that I am doing the wrong things but I found out that she doesn't know her right from left and vice versa. She was explaining to me about how I should teach the kids and which hand to use and I kept correcting her and she kept saying the wrong things. Then when she realized that she's wrong, she still kept on saying the wrong things and I just shoot at her and told her the truth about left and right. Pfft, some attitude. You refuse to back down, you think I will back down izit?
When she's asking me to arrange the kids' stuff, I did it CORRECTLY. She's the blur one so it pretty much went like this:
Me : "So, its this one?" *holds object*
Mickey : "No."
Me : *puts down object*
Mickey : *looks around* "Its this one." *picks up the object I just put down*
How can someone be so... Ugh. And that happened again so I officially branded her as unable to understand certain topics and no fruit will come out of communicating with her.
So, upon realizing that I have too much to do, I decided to stalk them and see what they were doing instead when I'm working like mad. Most of the time, Irene is nowhere to be seen, presumably hanging out downstairs during naptime and being 'busy'. While Mickey went to take care of the babies and I saw her sitting peacefully in the kitchen burping ONE baby and looking so stress-free.
Well, why don't I burp the baby and YOU go take care of the kids? :D
So on Monday, as usual, I went down to eat my lunch. I can't even take much cuz the plate is so small and I don't wanna seem greedy. Then I would position my chair so that i would sit facing outside and away from whoever is also eating.
Then I teared a little. Literally.
I got so sad thinking about my life and how I have so little time now that I practically have no life. And how much I have to do and endure even thought I'm just a few days in. I took out my phone and looked at my Chihayafuru wallpaper and felt even sadder. <.< Now, I know that working is like that, but I felt like my life was literally flipped upside down. Even mom has more free time than me. And she agreed that we were unfairly overworked.
Then I started thinking about Chihayafuru and karuta and how much fun I had watching it. But I restrained myself and not-suspiciously wipe away whatever tears that might be lingering and try not to sniff in case the teacher and some older kids behind can hear me. What a pathetic life.
It was also a kindergarten, so a parent came to pick her child up at about 1pm or so and the mom was so happy and I thought about myself going home and my mom and felt so freaking sad again. OTZ
After that I went upstairs again to monitor the kids and silently listen to Chihayafuru's 1st op in the lowest volume possible I had to literally press my ear to where the audio comes out. Then I started to feel even sadder omg. My feelings were an emotional whirlwind. Its just so ridiculous.
So on my last day - Tuesday - I was feeling a little reluctant to go to work, but at the same time, I assured myself that I have hope. That I can quit if I really want to. I had told mom and sis about this and luckily they can understand what I'm going through. Actually on Monday I cried in the car. <.< Nobody knew until mom asked if I have flu. "No... I was actually crying."
Then we stayed in the car a little and went to eat nan in the nearest mamak just to chill off. The nan is so freaking expensive!!! OAO
Alright, so on Tuesday, I went to the toilet in the morning in the nursery cuz obviously. But then unexpectedly, I started to tear and it just didn't stop and it looked very obvious that my eyes were red and a little swollen from yesterday. I guess the both of them realized and maybe some other teachers too, cuz I asked sis if it looked obvious that I cried and she said yes. Omg.
It was totally unexpected OK. I don't do this in front of anyone. Ever.
Then Irene started blaming Mickey and was saying stuff like "You can't throw everything to her - she's new and have yet to know everything... You have to teach her... Don't let everything be one-sided... Do your duties equally and must have cooperation, like what I told you when you first started..." and etc but I loathed her so much because SHE did it too but she's making it sound like Mickey is the only one doing it. If anyone, she would be the first person doing this to me. I couldn't believe that she had never thought that she did it as well. How unsympathetic.
I have no mood to deal with anything on that day.
And while waiting for the kids to bathe, I promised myself "I am not coming back here tomorrow. I will not see all this tomorrow. I will do it." even though I don't know how.
Until my heart started to palpitate.
I was so agitated and pressured (cuz the kids were running and I have to constantly be angry and shout and beat people) that my heart suddenly felt uncomfortable. I was having palpitations when for such a long time, I was free of it. I had it on Monday too, but dismissed it. I then went to the kitchen and sms-ed mom and told her about it - she was worried right away and said she was coming.
But then I don't know how to excuse myself from work. Until I started to feel even more unwell and couldn't hold it back anymore and told Irene that my heart feels unwell. She looked totally calm and nonchalant and asked if I was going to have a heart attack. I was like wtf no. I can't believe she's so insensitive.
Then she phoned another teacher and told her my situation and they got Mickey down from the baby room to come down and take over my job. Irene then asked me to rest but of course I didn't - I still helped around. Sis snuck down to ask if I was OK so I told her that I felt a little better now and she went back up.
In about an hour and a half, mom arrived and I was relieved. Mickey asked if I was going home, well, obviously! I don't think I wanna stay here anymore since it made me like this. Then Irene asked if I'm coming to work tomorrow and I thought of my promise and I told her I don't know.
Later, mom brought me around to chill me down and went to a few places like my sec school to collect some certificates, my would-be uni (ughhh OTZ) to ask about the Foundation course, my favourite vegetarian foodcourt (cuz all their food does not taste vegetarian-ish), the bank and my art class to ask if the teacher needed part-timers. But still I was so tensed up throughout the entire journey cuz I was so traumatized and my heart became ice so I have to wait for it to slowly melt.
Luckily, I have secured a job as an art teacher (I was very reluctant at first), but at least I only have to monitor 2 kids so I should be fine. And I could rest on Sunday and Monday and work full-time on Saturday. On Tues ~ Fri, I would be half studying, half working. And he would give me the key so I could go there earlier and I could use the computer and surf the net.
We told sis about it and mom thinks its a better option if she works with me too. Her feelings were half half on the nursery and the art class. I understand cuz her current students are like so lovely. *_* (She takes care of the 3y.o. kids.) I chatted with them and I love them SO MUCH. It sucks to leave them there but at least Irene and Mickey is not their teacher. They are in good hands. Sure there are some kids I managed to bond with, loved and will miss (in my grade), but a few angels are not worth staying for, for a bunch of demons.
I still remember Darrius from sis's class - he was quiet at first but I kept saying hi to him and he spoke to me yesterday. "You see I have this!" he said and showed me his water bottle. Then the bottle fell and hit his face, "T-teacher! Just now t-the bottle fall and b-beat my face!" Kyaaah he's so cute!!! <3 (Update: Sis sms-ed me from work just now and said that Darrius asked where I was... ;_; I'm sorry... Goodbyes are never easy.)
And also Royston, he saw me and I was like "Hello Royston~" and he became so super excited. Then once from across the room, he turned to look at me suddenly and shouted "Hello! Hello!" to me and I felt so happy! Then on Tuesday, he was eating his breakfast and I smiled to him and he became so excited cuz he recognized me and started to laugh, which sounded like he's suffocating. "Royston what's wrong with you!" Mickey said and glared at him.
More like what's wrong with you.
But anyway, I am glad that I can finally keep my promise and I feel happy, but the tensed up feeling have yet to go off. It'll take a while I guess... In your face!! Let you two manage and do everything and its totally your fault that you lost an efficient worker. YOUR BAD.
And also, I was not getting enough sleep for the past few days - had been having repeating nightmares about the kids and kept waking up about twice a night so it's taking its toll on me. Plus I had to wake up at 6am every morning (work time 7:30am ~ 6:30pm).
I'm sure there's some stuff I left out and I felt like I had learn A LOT in just these few days. But nevertheless, bye. Thanks for the bruises on my knees and the slight degeneration of my health.
Happy working.
p.s. If you are thinking about working in a nursery, do not get discouraged. This is solely from my part.
(One last note: On the day I quitted, at home, my 5y.o. cousin cried and I went over and had this urge to scream at her and beat her. Instinctive I took her hand and realizing what I did, I felt sorry and moderately beat her hand. Then I thought: "I don't wanna be like them.")
